Naomi: Yeah, I’m the shaved mother fucker to your left. I was born on Earth and left in some stupid orphanage. Joined the Reds when I was 12 years old. Shit got old though, real fucking fast. I had to get out of there, too much drugs and sex, ya know? It was going to kill me one day. So, I smartened up, joined a gym and joined the Alliance when I was 21.
I’m responsible for Torfan, too. A lot of people died that day, but it was worth it to finish my mission. I never leave a mission incomplete, no matter the cost.
I’m an infiltrator, by the way. Which means I can cloak and sneak up on someone and snap their neck. It’s satisfying after a tough day. Or, you know, I can snipe the shit out of somebody, but snapping necks is more fun.
Natalie: And I’m the one on the right! As for me, I was born and raised hopping ship to ship with my mom and dad. As it went on, I learned a few good tricks with Engineering which landed me a spot in the Alliance!
Which ported me right to Elysium on one of my shore leaves. That’s when the Skyllian Blitz rolled through. It was a tough day, but through sheer luck I managed to hold off a fleet of Batarian pirates until the Alliance showed up.
As I said before, working on so many ships as a kid let me easily pick up a career as a military Engineer. I can handle almost any piece of machinery, and even made my own Combat Drone to help in fights! That doesn’t mean that’s all I’m good at, though. I’m a very good shot.
Naomi: Well, you do stuff like Torfan and the Skyllian Blitz and word gets around, you know? In no time, I was hearing stories about Commander Shepard holding off a squad of Batarian Pirates during the Blitz and I about pissed myself. I thought these guys were fucking nuts. I’m Commander Shepard, I didn’t do anything about the fucking Blitz. I’m the one that got most of my team killed on Torfan.
But, sure enough, there was another Commander Shepard. Some cutesy ginger with a hard on for electronics. I wanted to beat her senseless. Then we started talking, I guess you could say we became friends. I say, I just put up with the bitch so she can fix my omni-tool with it fritzes.
Natalie: That’s when I knew I had to tell my mom about this girl. When she heard, she must have been real surprised, since we were off to some high-tech medical station in the next week or so!
Naomi: Next thing I knew, I was in a cruiser with some high brass Hannah bitch and the ginger Shepard to have… I don’t know, DNA tests or something.
Big whoop, they came back positive. So, the ginger was my half sister. Apparently my whore of a mother couldn’t keep her legs closed and I was conceived two years before her precious Natalie was a thought. Of course the mighty Hannah Shepard put my ass up for adoption and forgot about me. Oh well, I didn’t need her. I don’t need fucking anybody.
But, I couldn’t blame the Engineer. ‘s not like she knew about me or anything.
Natalie: So the brass decided to put us in missions together. Which was pretty effective, actually! We work really well together. That’s how we both became the infamous “Commander Shepard”. Which led to Eden Prime, Therum, Noveria, Feros, Virmire, Ilos, and finally, Sovereign’s defeat. But we won’t stop there. Not until the Reapers are destroyed!
Naomi: Which somehow lead to my death and resurrection as a Cerberus zombie.
But we’ll talk about that later.
For now, ask us questions and shit.